She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
