Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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