My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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