Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
