i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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