Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
