She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
