and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
