I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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