i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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