wakey wakey hands off snakey
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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