I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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