The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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