My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
