Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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