It's a beautiful day for a hangover
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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