Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
is it fun? or sober?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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