My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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