evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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