how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
