Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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