I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
