I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
