ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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