Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
