Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
