Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
