If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
