worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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