Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
