Where is the hickey?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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