my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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