yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
