put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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