Someone shit on the floor
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize