did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
