Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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