I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
