Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
