he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
