May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she peed on how many people?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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