Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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