ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
