Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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