the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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