Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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