my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
