Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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