I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
