My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
