Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
