so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
