It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
