Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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