KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
