Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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