I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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