Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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