I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
