Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
