Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
