I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
