You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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