I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
