You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
