dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
